STEPFAMILIES

• they have to adjust to different rules in a family
• we all have issues, we need to face them
• commitment, knowledge & skill - you can do it, just don't expect magic
• it might take two years for normacy
• birth parent - can discipline child, step-parent should be supportive, acting like an aunt or an uncle

DATING

• not only recreational purposes, it's a great opportunity to get to know each other

PRES. KIMBALL'S MARRIAGE ADVISE :

1. very careful selection process, marrying the right way (the right person, the right way temple marriage)
2. great unselfishness (putting our partners needs into consideration)
3. commitment courtship (continue to express affection)
4. keep the commandments

DIVORCE RATE

• Many people assume it's 50%. That's a lie.  75% of people stay married! 

ACTIVE PARENTING
children need to learn:

• COOPERATION - working with others will be a very important skill to have
• MUTUAL RESPECT - we can't teach them respect without respecting them
• RESPONSIBILITY - they need to have choices and deal with consequences
• COURAGE - to stand up for something, we can EN*COURAGE them

Always use firm but calm voice, strong voice invites POWER STRUGGLE

"I" MESSAGE - tell your child how you feel, when you own the problem, don't attack the person, attack the problem

 FAMILY COUNSELLING

We should counsel with our families - both partners are equal, children should be included if decision is concerning them too.

Consensus versus compromise - finding consensus is better than finding compromise

Using chaosm in counsells:
1. EXPRESS LOVE
2. PRAYER
3. CONCENSUS RE. THE LORD'S WILL
4. PRAYER
5. HAVE A TREAT

WORKING MOTHERS
Should mothers work or not? That depends on financial situation of a family but if a mother has to work, that brings an extra burden in her life - having to take care of her family, husband and children, working around the house and going to work can be overwhelming.

Women who work part-time can spend more time with their families and keep their career goals but that doesn't necessarily mean they will be better off financially. Paying for day-care services can be expensive (or hiring a childminder).
If they can work from home (thanks to the technology) they don't have to pay for the office and can still be around the children when they need to.

Communication

• Be a good person - Satan is a good communicator but that doesn't mean he is good or has good relationships
• Soft start - first 30 seconds, be careful how you start the conversation, if it's too harsh, it is unlikely the communication will go well
• Repair attempt - take a break if you need to, before emotions take over
• Husband giving up control - husbands are tempted to run the show
• I- messages - when you feel overwhelmed focus on your own emotions, talk about how you feel instead of accusing somebody
• Listening - one of the most important parts of communication. It shows you are selfless and care about others
• Clarify the issue at the right time - find the right time for both of you, plan it if you have to
• Don't judge - people who feel judged will be resentful to our remarks

Follow these patterns, don't rely on being "natural", if you were, you would tear each other apart.
It requires a lot of planning and self-control. Putting others first.

Conflict - can destroy our relationship or give us opportunity to grow, progress and resolve our problems. That depends how we handle it.

Power - use it for good purposes, don't use it to control others but to help. (Have a good influence on your family).

Family Council - counsel with your family - spouse and children, edify each other and include the Lord in the decision you will make.

FAMILY CRISES

Every family has to face crises at some point in their lives. It's an event that brings big changes.
We all need to prepare for crises - financially, emotionally, physically, spiritually....
The important aspect in our crises will be support system - resources such insurrance, planning, attitudes, skills, friends, experts, but being FLEXIBILITY and COHESION are the most important.

It's the structure, not the stressor that makes the difference.
If we fight together we can become closer and stronger as a family. But if we try to do it on our own, it will be more stressful for each member of a family and we will fall apart.

A - Actual event
B - Both resources & responses
C - Cognitions (our thoughts)
_____
 X - Total Experience

We need to remember that none of us is perfect, life is not perfect and neither is the family. But helping each other can help us overcome our imperfections and become stronger.

INFIDELITY : Protecting Our Families

4 types of affairs:

1. Fantasy (emotional/detached) - It is often a thought of act which causes "LOVE TO DIE".

2. Visual Affair/Pornography - (detached/physical) - you destroy taste buds of love and the end state is feeling loneliness

3. Romantic Affair - (emotional/attached) - "second life"
4. Sexual Affair (physical-attached/detached) - Whosoever commiteth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he that doth it destoyeth his own soul (Proverbs 6:32)

THE BEST SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP IS THE RESULT OF A LOVING, RESPECTFUL RELATIONSHIP CARRIED OUT IN THE MANY ASPETS OF EVERYDAY LIFE.

Causes of Affairs: 
It has more to do with individual than with a state of marriage. It's often a result of a personal transformation that has taken place within an individual's very nature.
We can prevent affairs by changing who we are and how we act and think.

Preventing Marital Infidelity:
As with illnesses, it is easier to prevent than to remedy.

A) Being On Guard
B) Being Fiercely Loyal

Affairs are about boundaries - where we draw the line, not about love, sex or when a more attractive alternative comes along.

MARRIAGE PREPARATION

WHY IS DATING IMPORTANT?  
Before people engage and commit to each other, they should go on variety of dates with the variety of people. Being in a relationship - does it mean we don't date others anymore? That's a mistake. We should go on many dates to get to know as many people as we can, and to get skills we'll need in the future for our marriage and to find the best partner for us.

ENGAGEMENT - means a that two people commit to each other, make it a public commitment. The engagement is preparation for marriage and it gives a couple the opportunity to:
- learn to sacrifice, compromise, serve each other, make decisions together, solve problems together.
Many people spend more time preparation for wedding than for marriage, and that's a mistake. They even get in financial debt when in fact, they should be saving for their future life together and for their family.

EARLY MARRIAGE ADJUSTMENTS:
- new roles, lifestyle, making desicions together, marriage becomes the first priority, first arguments and disagreements, sharing space, bed

THE FAMILY WITH YOUNG CHILDREN
- father needs to be involved, it is his child as much as it is mother's

PLAN EARLY
- plan before a child is born. Discuss changes of time, energy, privacy, plan specific means of helping one another through it
- find creative ways for father to bond and enjoy the newborn
- remember you are still husband and wife, not only parents who brought a child into the world
- resist a temptation to make it a mother-grandmother event assuring father takes precedence over others during event